Wednesday, May 27, 2009
12 comments:
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Interesting that most of the early posts are either about 1) dating practices and 2) dealing with depression.
ReplyDeleteOMG you are right. I think that's what's unique about this blog... the secrets are very revealing about the emotional state of Asians. Something worth exploring here.
ReplyDeleteI took a class at Uni where we discussed this idealized fantasy some people have about WM/AW relationships among Asian Americans. Interesting to think how some Asian/American women (not all) think they're somehow being liberated through these relationships, when they're 1) imposing their own stereotypes and assumptions on both Asians and whites and 2) restricting themselves on who to date. I'm almost tempted to think that a good percent of Asian/American females are racist against Asians. I often see just this stubborn refusal to look at Asian American relations in a larger context, and that's what's stunting our ability to get anywhere.
ReplyDeleteHint hint nudge nudge, you should make this blog "followable" - I love PostSecret and this is a great idea! (I don't want to forget about it in the mess that is my life).
ReplyDeleteTo the person who made the second postcard: thanks. I used to feel that way, but I wasn't looking hard enough for someone to tell. And maybe that's not true for you, but maybe it is?
There is an RSS Feed :D
ReplyDeletehttp://postmimi.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
As an Asian female, I'm really offended by the assumption that I'll only date white guys. In all honesty, none of my Asian girlfriends have stated that they "only like white guys," and it's backed up by their dating histories. I acknowledge that there are some Asian girls who say obnoxious things like that, but in my experience, that is NOT the majority.
ReplyDeleteIf I happen to be on a date with a white guy, I feel that it's really unfair that people will judge our looks harsher and assume things such as he must be a fetishizer and I must hate myself and Asian guys. Currently, I'm insulated by that since I'm dating a fellow Asian (though different parts, i.e. he = south, me = east), but regardless, I feel bad for the couples who fell in love with each other because of, say, their musical tastes, and happen to be AF/WM. They get to deal with people like some of the commenters here, assuming that she must be a racist who only likes white guys.
To the original poster: if you go into the dating game expecting the worst of people, then that is what you will get. Keep an open mind and don't assume that every rejection is because of your race because it isn't. There are lots of single Asian girls out there who want to date you!
I didn't address the second poster yet but I will now: how do you know no one will take you seriously? I go through my fair share of shit shows but what has always helped is having an ear there to listen. You don't know who your real friends are until you are in your worst states of mind. Try opening up - then you'll know who are your genuine friends and who are acquaintances.
I'm an Asian American female dating a White male and we definitely are self-conscious of the fact because sometimes when we go out together, other Asians stare. And I feel terrible believing they'll think ill of me no matter how much I love my boyfriend for who he is and not because he's white. And he's not exactly the most handsomest guy ever, so sometimes I feel others are thinking, "oh my god, how did she sink so low??" and he feels terrible too. Honestly, I would care for anyone who cares for me in return. I don't think I sank so low, he's more than I can ever imagine.
ReplyDeleteYes, Asian men do want to date Asian women. Conversely, that doesn't seem to be the case. While there are Asian women who do want to date Asian men, it appears as though the majority prefer dating non-Asian. The classic example: How many AF/WM couples do you see in comparison to AM/WF couples? The ratio is significantly in favor of the former.
ReplyDeleteWhy do Asian women refuse to date Asian men? Are they afraid of meeting someone who might resemble their father? Does the prospect of possibly dating one's cousin scare them? Or is it all the Fu Manchu, Yellow Peril, and Sick Man of Asia stereotypes perpetuated by those of the mass media, especially Hollywood?
Just a thought - I think white males are more assertive about asking girls out than Asian males. I think growing up, a lot of us had parents that told us to focus on our studies rather than dating and we didn't start the dating game until college. Whereas white people don't freak out over their kids having serious relationships in high school. You know the expression, the early bird catches the worm. I don't prefer dating white guys, they just seem to be the ones who start talking to me. I don't have a lot of confidence about dating either, it's nice to be approached. And yes, I can tell who is thinking "ooh an Asian girl!" versus who thinks I'm actually interesting.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of the weird freudian theory that Asian girls don't want to date someone who looks like their father. It's like we're validating the "all look the same" stereotype. If an Asian guy wants to date an Asian girl is he secretly wanting his mother? Good grief.
From Angry Asian Man:
ReplyDeleteNews Flash: Asian Men Are Least Desirable: http://www.angryasianman.com/2009/06/news-flash-asian-men-are-least.html
This is just one of those topics that has to get revisited every so often. So let's get it out of the way. This article recently popped up on Yahoo! Personals, discussing about a recent study on racial preferences of online daters provides some interesting findings: Dating 101: Dealing With the Race Factor.
Based on profile-searching criteria set by singles using Yahoo! Personals, the study reveals the shocking, earth-shattering conclusion that "Asian American men are the least preferred mate for Caucasian women, and African American women bear the brunt of discrimination from Caucasian men."
That said, I'm doubtful that this study was very thorough, considering that the numbers provided are only for White, Black, Asian and "Other." (Oh, that pesky category.) And come on, why are we always so worried about who's the least desirable to Caucasian men and women?
The rest of article is mostly advice-focused, taking a look at the numerous obstacles of interracial dating and ways to overcome them -- including racial stereotypes from mass media. And God knows that mass media has not been traditionally kind to Asian American men.
From Yahoo Personals: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24298/dating-101-dealing-with-the-race-factor
So... what if an Asian woman dates a white woman?
ReplyDeleteI'm an Asian guy who never had any problems dating women from different ethnic groups.
ReplyDeleteAsian guys who complain about "media stereotypes" just plainly have no game...
==>Mark